To: The M.O.S.T.
From: the Dept. of Custodial Engineering and Safety Matters!

NOTICE: MASTER SAFETY INSPECTOR WILL BE INSPECTING CURRENT SPACE ON SATURDAY, JUNE 18, 2005.

Yup, it's that time of the year again folks. And I would like all of you to know that the Master Safety Inspector has been very impressed with our safety record in the past and this year wants to nominate us for the prestigious "Safest Place in the World Award". But first we must score high points in the annual inspection coming up soon. (today!) This year, the inspection will occur at our current portal location and place of residency: the Break Room in the Templeton/Disjecta Building, 233 S.E. Burnside. We have already raised and properly responded to several safety issues, so the usual procedure of "appearing" safe is not a necessity this year. Due to our constant safety practices, ingenuities and awareness, we, I am so pleased to acknowledge, have become safety wizards. So, I am not in the least bit concerned and have great confidence that we will pass this inspection with flying colors. and win! Speaking of which, most of you have probably noticed, but we have new blue-grey jumpsuits. The reasons and uses for these will be addressed below, within the brief outline of what we should keep in mind for the inspection and other basic reminders, for your continuing safety enjoyment.

And as I always used to say but not so much anymore because I say it a lot at home, but I still would like to say it at work: I sweep the floors and put toilet paper on the rolls not for cleanliness first, but for safety first.

And as always, comments, questions or other concerns are welcome.

1. BE SURE TO WEAR YOUR HARD HAT IN DESIGNATED AREAS.
   You know.
2. DON'T SMOKE IN THE BREAKROOM.
   This is new and escapes logic, but the sprinkler system in this old building will not have it. Unfortunately the window cannot open (a precautionary measure made when several accidents occurred in past, before our residency, when the break room was presumably a high stress work room.) However, there is a small hole in the middle of the floor, which may be used as a smoke outlet. If you think bending down and smoking into a hole on the floor is bad for your back then you should go outside.
3. BUT BE CAREFUL FOR BIKERS, PEDESTERIAN, AND MOTOR VEHICLES.
   The door going outside from the break room enters right onto potentially hazardous run-ins with fast moving traffic. Be careful. Look both ways before entering the sidewalk. The people using this sidewalk do not typically think of a random door on an abandoned looking building suddenly opening and a rush of smokers filtering out.
   And yes, we have found out..BBQ's are safe to have on the Burnside Bridge.
   (Please see no. 9 for more.)
4. FUMES.
   There have been some concerns with the odors in the break room. I have had it checked out and the smells are nothing but the typical combination of odoriferous pleasures you'd find in a break room. That is: pretzel salts, beer, pop-it's dust, orange spray paint fumes, fresh donuts, wax cleaner, farts. It is my recommendation that no one fart in the break room; this may very well be the questionable odor causing understandable concern.
5. CARDBOARD CUTOUTS OF WORKERS INSTALLED.
   These one-dimensional worker replicas were constructed and installed in highly visible areas as a safety measure. The reason is simple: Safety in numbers. The more workers there seem to be working at one time, the safer the work area. It will prevent theft and deter complaints that we are not working, even while we are on break. This will allow us to extend our break times which, as statistics have shown, has a direct effect in the prevention of accidents at the work site.
6. PANIC-ATTACKS
   They do happen. And when you least expect them. What do you do when one strikes? The answer: Stop-Duck-and-Roll. Stop what you are doing. Duck out of the situation causing the panic situation. And Roll on out of there. These steps will assure the safety of your fellow workers and be the first step towards your proper recovery. The "M" has displayed this (it is more difficult than it sounds) maneuver very effectively and will be awarded bonus safety points which will grant us, as a team, nomination status.
7. FIRST AID KIT
   Properly labeled and stocked. Checko!
8. AIR CONDITIONING AND FLOW.
   The weather has been nice, hasn't it?
9. NEW BLUE-GREY JUMPSUITS.
   Due to excessive use of the color orange at the work sites (cones, fencing, signage, etc.), the usual attire of the orange jumpsuits have caused some confusion with the observer operating within the spatial-object and temporal-subject work zone. In order to separate these fields of work relationships blue-grey jumpsuits have been procured to provide a contextual contrast in this environment so that we can easily recognize who's working and who is not. This will save the time lost when we have to ask a co-worker if they are on break or not. What jumpsuit you wish to wear to represent your working mood is left to your discretion. But please inform every one of you status at the beginning of your shift and notify everyone of any wardrobe change that may occur throughout the shift. And be forewarned that if you do chose to wear your orange jump suit at the work site, you may blend into the assortment of orange inanimate objects and be perceived as an object merely doing it's job or as a subject on break. This causes the aforementioned confusion, but being of no serious safety hazard.
10. PLEASE WEAR YOUR BLUE-GREY JUMPSUITS ON INSPECTION DAY.
    This is just so the Master Safety Inspector will see clearly how safe we are being.

Thank you for your "SAFETY FIRST!" cooperation,

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